bomz.

I've tried my best to change.
To be there for you and appreciate the things you did for me .
I realise that whatever i did for you, doesn't even go near to what you have done for me .
I've tried to be the best, I've tried to kick my ego away, I've tried to understand when things get tougher and I've tried to give in whenever you have something less to give out .
But it's just not enough.
So I have to repay it all by enduring with your attitude.
Withh all those harsh words and treatment.
Withh following your flow and to just keep my mouth shout .
To just pretend that everything is fine whenever they're not.
To swallow my tears so that you'll be happy .
To keep my feelings a secret so that you wouldn't think that I'm petty .
To plaster a smile so that our friend's don't see our flaws.
To cry alone whenever I can't hold it back any longer.

But i can't do it . I can't do it any longer . I can't cry alone every now and then , I can't soothe my heart when it actually needs to be tend upon . I can't pretend that i'm fine. I can't plaster a smile when my heart is in pieces. I can't, i just can't.
But i don't have a choice do i ? Cos you've always been there for me .
cos I can't deny the fact that I need you. Cos I know that I love you .

Sometimes it hurts so badly that I wanted so much to leave ,
but at the same time, i want to make it work as badly as i want to leave .

Baby , it hurts. It does .
And i don't know how long should i endure .

I'm done with stomach flu and its not fun at all . ):


And i miss ben too much .
(Told you don't go work and spend time with me !)

so here i am today , surprisingly .
Surprisingly . Life's been pretty much the same for me .
A little bit of fun here and a lil bit of cracking my head there .
Its 3.56am and i'm just done with studies .
Super tiring . Art paper have been given out .
I've done the brainstorming and all i need next is the approval and im set to go .

Side track , I'm super excited cos my makeup from e.l.f , a product from USA I believe have
just reached me . A month of awaiting is worth it ! Super worth it . Can't wait to play around with the colours . And i need more of these things. It's just a craving that I had and Ben got really pissed cos i've spend quite alot on it . Lols .

Anyyyyywayyyy , i kinda have a talk with one of my friend just now .
The one i went study with and we both came up to a conclusion that friends are not really who the seemed to be .
For instance, they might tend to be close to me and such .
Laughing, bitching and stuffs that girls do .
But somehow or another,when a things happened , they don't tend to be there anymore .
They don't tend to cover my ass as much as i have covered theirs'.
And when this sort of things happpened ,
You then realize that they're not worth it anymore .
And when you look properly, all they have ever said is pretty words .
But life aint a book for the words to be that pretty .
I've created friendships with quite a number of people , that i myself lost track of it .
No, im not being boostful .
But when i think back , they're there to just laugh with me .
When i've landed myself in deep shit, there's only a few friends that i can rely on .
Those are the people which i can count with fingers.
Somehow , the proportion isint right , is it ?

Whatever it may be , I don't want to bother about it anymore.
I'm half-way through the battle .
And I'm picking myself up to finish it .
Well , Surprising isin't it, when I didn't attend school , I still know that the art papers have been given out .
You know , God is fair . Even though is sounded cliche .
I guess if you read in between the line , you get my drift .
I bet you will . ;p

Till then , I rest the matter here .
I sure don't need another drama anymore .

 

Lasuperxio .<3

I don't need you in my life if you're just here to hurt me.
I don't need you in my life if you're going to demoralize me .
I don't need you in my life if you're making things worst than they already are.
I don't need you in my life if you think that I'm a bitch .
I don't need you in my life if you think i feed on your money .
But at the same time, I need you because I love you too much.
I need you because you made me who i am today.
I need you because you have been my shoulder to lean on every now and then.
I need you because you're always trying to make the best out of me .

It's ironic and it hurts.

This is gona be random . But I just have to share it . To let everything out and finally clear my mind and heart .

I miss the times when i was filled with confidence. When I believe i can achieve.
When i know not even any mess would bring me down. I was a dreamer .
I was full of laughters and smile . I was being me and I dont have to pretend .
When people would accept me for who i am, for appreciating me .

I miss you; eventhough We meet practically everyday.
Truth is , I miss the past. The times when we could just laugh it off and be happy .
When communicating with you was so much simplier. When we don't have to worry.
When things are much more laid-back .
No, I'm not saying I'm not happy being with you.
Its just that you've given me alot in the past;
and when things started to change, i somehow got lost in between.
I'm sorry for being so petty over sucha small misunderstanding.
A year have passed us by, I'm sure you know me well enough .

Ya'know, i miss you too much till i don't even know where to start .
I just missed you terribly. Too much .
I know I gotta move on, but i can't.
We've been through alot together, just u and I.
Our childhood memories and the new things we shared together.
I miss you and I just want you to be you, to come back in my life .

 

Gosh , when school was so much fun . When I know they are my friends, my
own clique.
It's so hard now , really.
I miss you guys .

 

 

 

xoxo .

 

26septembero9.

*at 3pm when i was sleeping like a baby,
I received a text msg*

Daddy: U wan laptop ?
ME: Yes. I wan with webcam.
Daddy: Promise not to be notty.
ME: Promise ! I want the smallest u can find.
Daddy: Call me.

*So i did , half-asleep that is*

Daddy: Mini laptop got no place to put CD.
ME: use adapter la.
Daddy: OKay, later we go buy.
ME: okay .
Daddy: Now u go in my room.
ME: I in your rm oreadi.
Daddy: GO behind the bed and see.
ME: *LAUGH*
Daddy: Okay, you go try the laptop then call me.

haha. Funny thing is, after i take it to my room, i go back to sleep .

Anyway, i know its irritating to keep coming back for more updates and seeing that my blog wasnt updated. For that, i apologise. I wasn't in any mood to update tho life was treating me quite good i might say. I'm just not keen in updating and I'm thinking of changing from multiply to onSugar. But i have to wait for one of me Gf to do the layout for me and then i'll be gone from here. Futhermore, I recently heard from one of my gerls that my picture was posted on someone's blog due to me bad-mouthing her on someone else's tagboard. Which apparently, the someone else was one of my cyber friends which happened to be my gf cousin. So yeah. Mistaken identity . whatever that is . Its so stupid, like as tho there's only  one lala on the cyber world. sheesh . So, fuck all of you who think that was me. You dumbells can kiss my behind . DO YOU GUYS REALLY THINK THAT I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO ? Sue u all then u know. Take my picture anyhow .

Anyyyway , my stomach have been giving me problems lately and so does my head. It's so irritating to always run to the toilet or to take the panadol. Suggestion to any cure? do PM me . Haha . Meantime, I'm gona have fun with my new laptop. You guys take a good care aye. Call me or txt me . Love you babys. Mwahs.

 

 

 

xoxo

I thank god for giving me the best girlfriends, the best boyfriends and also the best lover.
what can i wish for more ?
You tell me .

xoxo .

Baby , I feel you . I know It's not easy, but things have to be done . Things happened and you have to accept it the way it is . I know it's hard to accept the fact and i know that it's hard to carry on life as it is. But baby , you have everyone supporting you . Your family, your friends and me. I'll be here to support you whenever you need a shoulder to bitch on or an ear to hear your rants. I know we have drifted apart somehow or another. As much as i wanted to blame it all on O's , I have to admit that I gotta blame myself too. For always disappointing you whenever you asked me out or for not going to school often. But despite all that, you know i love u so much and i don't want to lose you either.

Please take a good care of yourself and don't think to much about it. Maybe it's just written and she's in a better place now. She don't have to depend on life support nor will she have to depend on anyone. I bet she hears you from above, everytime you say you love her. Remember, that one day, you'll meet her again. Her journey have ended, but not yours. So please, don't neglect your studies. I bet she too wana see you succeed. You gotta be strong the way she was. You have to .


xoxo

Well , I realized that it have been some time since i last updated . I mean, actually update on a daily basis. Nothing personal actually,  just don't feel like updating . I know it's irritating to keep coming back and nothing new is updated on my page . Pardon me for that .

So anyways , I have a-lot of updates and stuffs . but hell , its so so tiring to type it all out . I mean , can't i make a video or something ? Like it's so annoying to type it all out without you guys seeing the actual reaction . riiight ? forget it .

. . .





*Cricket sound*








*croook crook*







I don't know what else to say . .








Guess i'll end here. I'll post a proper one once I feel like it aye . Meantime , happy fasting babies . (:

I have always respected your decision . What you want and whatnot. But all i need is for you to respect mine . to hold on to your own words and live it. Im not here to hear your apologies. Infact, I dun wana hear anymore apologies. Dont you think its time to just do it. I'm not saying that you're not trying, I know you're trying . But why can't you just try even harder, to make your effort worthwhile ? to just get it over and done with and not have misunderstanding over the matter most of the time ?


Correct me if i'm wrong .

I've spend approx $200 on makeups and at theBODYshop and at theFACEshop.
Just within an hour .




-..-

Am over at Ben's house now, to steal his internet again .
Prelims is just a few days away, and i have to complete my art.
Damn.





I have cravings for chocolate man ! -.-

I miss the moments we spend when we used to just be with each other and talk our hearts out. everything under the sun, just you and I . I miss the times when you would always make me laugh with all your lame jokes and faces, making me want to pee. I miss the times when you would always call me in the middle of the day just to say that you miss me . I miss the times when you would just sit there and hear me rant, telling you how I'm feeling. I miss the times when your hand seek out mine when we're walking to our destination. I miss your hugs, the pecks on the cheeks, the winks, and most importantly, i miss being with you.



xoxox.

Currently over at Ben's place . To steal the internet, my internet have been a bitch . So yeah .


I have a lot to blog about. From friends to family, and anything in between those two. Life have been hectic, with a lot of things to catch up with. Before you know it, things are either over or its starting a new . Feelings are involved , emotions would run wild . Either way, It will bring smile or tears . And all i can do is to just accept it and learn to live with it . Nothing can really be done and accepting what have been in store would be the best way . It's difficult as it is to deal with emotions, so why bother with catching up and fixing everything when I know I can't.

Having said that, I'm thankful for those who have been there for me, cheering me up and always entertaining me with all those lame jokes/riddles. Being there for me and never fail me in anyway. Being by my side and hear my rants, everything. I really thank you guys. Yoou know who you are . (:





TO JANE BABY, ILAH BABY, SHASHA BABY AND ANGALAM BABY .
HAPPY ADVANCE/BELATED BIRTHDAY .
MWAHS.